Today we are getting a little serious.
Many of us have suffered the loss of a loved one, or gotten the news that someone close to us has fallen ill. I cam across an article that points out what you should and shouldn’t say.
Ultimately, the lies we tell to someone in hopes of comforting them as they are battling a disease, illness or worse. In reality, these lies don’t help, they hinder, so let’s take a look at some great tips and things we can say to hopefully lift someone’s spirits:
1. DON’T WRITE ME BACK. All patients get overwhelmed with
the burden of keeping everyone informed, coddled and feeling
appreciated. Social networking, while offering some relief, often
increases the expectation of round-the-clock updates.
To get around this problem, I appointed a “minister of information,”
whose job it was to disseminate news, deflect queries and generally be
polite when I didn’t have the energy or inclination to be. But you can
do your part, too: If you do drop off a fruitcake or take the dog for a
walk, insist the patient not write you a thank-you note. Chicken soup is
not a wedding gift; it shouldn’t come with added stress.
2. I SHOULD BE GOING NOW. You’ll never go wrong by
uttering these five words while visiting someone who’s sick. As Ms.
Pogrebin observes of such visits, don’t overstay your welcome. She
recommends 20 minutes, even less if the patient is tired or in pain. And
while you’re there, wash a few dishes or tidy up the room. And take out
the trash when you leave.
3. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME GOSSIP? One surefire tip: a
slight change of topic goes a long way. Patients are often sick of
talking about their illness. We have to do that with our doctors, nurses
and insurance henchmen. By all means, follow the lead of the
individual, but sometimes ignoring the elephant in the room is just the
right medicine. Even someone recovering from surgery has an opinion
about the starlet’s affair, the underdog in the playoffs or the big
election around the corner.
4. I LOVE YOU. When all else fails, simple, direct
emotion is the most powerful gift you can give a loved one going through
pain. It doesn’t need to be ornamented. It just needs to be real. “I’m
sorry you have to go through this.” “I hate to see you suffer.” “You
mean a lot to me.” The fact that so few of us do this makes it even more
meaningful.
Read the full article.
