I’m feeling a lot of emotions writing this post. On one hand, I don’t want to talk or write or share or really do anything. On the other hand, I know my absence on social media has been more than the every-now-and-again couple days detox. The truth is, my Grandpa passed away suddenly last Wednesday night and I haven’t been able to bring myself to talk about it… until now.
Since I’m always tooting this as a fashion and lifestyle blog, and I feel like we are a close, small family here, I wanted to share what my family and I have been going through the past week. It doesn’t feel right to start posting outfits again and pretending everything is okay when it’s not without addressing this first.
Last Wednesday morning I got a call from my parents, frantic, heading out of town to see my Grandpa. He was in the hospital, from a fluke accident, and the Doctors advised us he would likely pass away. I don’t want to get into too many details, mainly out of respect for my Grandma. I was on my way to work and had to pull over to collect myself. I turned around, went home, packed my things and rushed off on the six hour drive to be by my Grandpa’s side. Sadly, I missed him by minutes–which is terribly heartbreaking. The room was filled with our family, and we all sobbed and hugged in the hours that followed.
The days that followed have felt like a bad dream, and as anyone who has lost someone they love can attest, it’s awful. Yesterday, we celebrated my Grandpa’s life and the amazing man he was. So loving, caring, a fantastic woodworker and someone who loved sports and his family. He gave the best bear hugs and memories of waking up anytime we visited and the house smelling of the amazing breakfast he was cooking is forever present in my mind.
The hardest part is knowing he had years ahead of him–how could this happen? There are no answers.
I have spent the last week surrounded by family, and every night my grandparent’s house was alive with love, tears, but also laughter when we could, remembering the amazingness that was my Grandpa. We shared stories, and qualities of him, memories and many hugs. It doesn’t make this easier, but having that support around has been a comfort that brings a hint of hope in the darkest moments. So instead of saying goodbye, as my Grandma said, we say goodnight.
Goodnight Grandpa, I will miss you so much.
Top photo: At my sister’s wedding, getting one of those famous bear hugs of his.
Bottom photo: Swimming as a toddler with my Mom & Grandpa.